(Not) Sorry I Missed It
The Barest of things...
They are finally over so now I can stop pretending to listen to people who think I should pretend to care about goofy sports and people that play pretend for a living.
I speak, of course, of the Winter Olympics and the Academy Awards. Were I to make an official list entitled “Popular Events I Could Not Care Less About”, these would most certainly be in the top five. The Summer Olympics, the Grammy’s, and the Westminster Dog Show might round out that group, just in case you are sitting at the edge of your seat wondering about the other three.
Well, shoot... let’s put the NBA Finals and every minute of March Madness in there as honorable mentions or maybe just eschew standard list making tradition and pretend that “Top Seven” lists are really a thing.
As far as the Winter Olympics go, I have done my best to take an interest. The best athletes in their respective sports take on the whole world in an attempt to take home a gold medal so we can say “’Merica, F-yeah, USA, USA”… I admit, it does sound pretty great right up until I realize that I have to relearn the obscure details of a million different sports that I forgot existed since I last tried to learn them four years ago. Seriously, if everybody that has their minds blown by curling every four years actually gave a squeeze about curling, it might be televised more than, you know, once every four years. Instead, we forget about it as soon as the Closing Ceremonies are over and four years from now we will all be shushing our significant others like we are at a golf tournament as we whisper “So the brooms help direct the big thing on the icy shuffleboard court… amazing”.
At least the American girls beat the Canadian girls in the battle for female hockey supremacy, am I right?
As far as the performing arts go, I cannot even say that I have ever tried to care about the Academy Awards. People that are paid to act out the thoughts and ideas of other people with actual thoughts and ideas are handed trophies to honor them for how successful they were in their game of pretend. You know who is also good at playing pretend? Every five year old kid on the planet. We do not see fit to lavish every one of them with millions of dollars and little gold statues so I apologize if I do not care what supporting actor was the best of all the “not good enough to play the lead actors” in a field of mediocre movies in any given year.
To make matters worse, we are led to believe that the ability to play pretend for a living is directly related to one’s knowledge of world affairs. As such, instead of humble speeches showing genuine gratitude for one’s recognition, we are treated to moments of “Now that I won this award, let me tell you what I think about <insert perceived social injustice here>”. If I were to pick up a newspaper, I would not look for movie stars on the editorial page any sooner than I would seek out political opinions in the entertainment section but worlds collide in the Land of the Self-Righteous, apparently.
I am assuming that I am not the only human on Earth with such opinions as this year’s Academy Awards was the lowest rated one ever. On the other side of things, everybody has already come back to a world where curling is something you do to enhance one’s biceps, so the Winter Olympics are officially a figment of our imagination until 2022, I suppose. If I can just duck and cover my way through March Sadness, the rest of 2018 should be relatively smooth sailing from here on out.
For me, I am looking forward to Major League Baseball’s Opening Day so the New York Yankees can start kicking ass and the NFL Draft so my New York Jets can show me how committed they are to never making the playoffs ever again in my lifetime. Somewhere in the midst of it all, a new Star Wars movie will come out and I will grudgingly spend $437 for a movie ticket, a small popcorn, and a bottle of Aquafina. Life is about balance and these are where my interests lie, for better or for worse.
fête it be...
Photo is by NBC Olympics