The Night I Got Old
The Barest of things...
For the most part, I do not feel any older than I ever have. Turning the corner of 40 did not really faze me and I rather like the white in my beard. In some odd way I find it adds a sense of character and I would certainly never be so vain as to buy a bottle of Just For Men. Besides, in this age of female empowerment, I doubt such an exclusionary product will be available for much longer and I certainly would not want to get attached to something with such a short life ahead of it.
At a maximum, I sometimes have to take my glasses off to read things close up but that hardly feels like a body in decline. When I have to put glasses ON to read things or find myself holding things at arm’s length to make out the fine print, maybe my youthful ego will take a hit but, so far, I feel like that is a long way off.
All of this said, my perspective took a hit Monday evening.
The Wife was visiting family in Andertucky and The Boy was at his mom’s house. I was completely alone and spent the day actually getting caught up with my workload and possibly even moving ahead slightly. Articles were planned, researched, drafted, and in some cases even submitted mostly on time. In the words of the prophet Ice Cube, ‘twas a good day.
That is, until, somewhere around 8pm I decided to do something I rarely do – sit down and watch television. I did not have to ask anyone else what they wanted to watch and I could even flip channels endlessly for an entire hour, never settling on anything but, at the same time, not getting on anyone’s nerves. It felt like a reckless yet enjoyable abuse of my freedom so I made a cocktail and slid over to my recliner to see what trouble I could get myself into.
The answer, as it turns out, is absolutely none. The problem, you see, is that we view television through a PS4 and/or a Firestick, or at least I believe that is what they are called. That might not be such a problem for The Wife or The Boy but for me it brought upon the crushing realization that I do not know how to turn the television on.
Don’t get me wrong, I can turn the devices electronically “on”- I just have no idea where to go from here. I am stuck on some menu screen that I think is in Hulu but I have no clue how to shift over to the Mobdro app that I vaguely know how to navigate and watch Archer and mafia movies on. Instead, I am stuck in some sort of electronic purgatory and endless loop of drop down menus that offer nothing but rabbit holes of utter confusion. To make matters worse, no amount of cursing seems to be helping anything.
At some point in the process I had a flashback to myself as a teenager trying to explain to my father why the television and the cable box used two different remotes. Shivers went down my spine and I took a minute to compose myself before I stood up from my recliner.
I write this, still alone in my home, but back in the safety of my office with my laptop at my fingertips. The cocktail is comforting, as is the control over the words that appear on my screen, one letter at a time. I do not need some trivial piece of technology to enjoy my evening, I simply need what I understand and I will be just fine. Besides The Wife will be home soon enough and she can turn on Archer for me.
fête it be...